Beauty

"Why so much heartache over beauty? We don't ache over being geniuses, or fabulous hockey players. Woman ache over the issue of beauty-they ache to be beautiful, to believe they are beautiful, and they worry over keeping it if ever they can find it..........A Woman knows, down in her soul, that she longs to bring beauty to the world. She might be mistaken on how (something every woman struggles with), but she longs for a beauty to unviel. This is nto just culture, or the need to "get a man." This is in her heart, part of her design." - Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Have you ever sat around a group of woman and discussed the matters of the heart within? I know I have and from each individual I have shared and listened with, it seems to be all the same, it is exactly what Stasi Eldredge says in the above paragraph, we woman ache to be beautiful.

Living in a culture that puts status on woman to be this height, this size, this color or this certain character causes distress and feeling out of place if you don't reach that "status quo." I often found myself in striving and striving for perfection, trying to attain a certain level of beauty. Maybe it was the new outfit, the new make-up, if I just got my hair done a different way, what if I went to the gym 5 times a week or what if I stocked up on all the books in how to be beautiful. I do believe that it is a good thing to take care of yourself and try different things, but when it becomes your only way of life, what else is there to live for? About 4 years ago, I was the girl at the gym twice a day, one on the morning and one at night, I was the girl who counted every single calorie I ate and never exceeded my limit. I would buy all kinds of make-up and clothes to look the part, when deep down inside, I had no idea what part I was to play. Struggling through life and trying to "find myself" didn't help at all and dating the men I did left me questioning even more. When they would tell me how beautiful I was, I would often wonder, "What is the meaning behind those words, is it because I truly am or is it because they want something in return?" Questions after questions rose up in my mind and heart, what does it mean to be beautiful and how do I get there? And with all these questions, I found much heartache in the midst of it.

How does a woman walk into her womahood, knowing that she is beautiful no matter what her culture or people tell her? Is she beautiful just because of her looks or is she beautiful because her heart is pure? From experience, I don't believe there is a formula to any of these questions in how to answer them. What I do know is that as I type this as a 24 year old woman, I have found for the first time in my life what it truly means to be beautiful and walk in it. Now, don't get me wrong, I still have imperfections, there are times that I strive too much and there are days when I wake up not feeling "beautiful," but at the end of the day what is truly going to matter? How I did my hair or how I lived a life that glorifies the Lord? Beauty to me is walking in grace with my Lord, knowing that no matter what I am loved by Him. In Romans chapter 8, Paul tells us that nothing can seperate us from the love of Christ. I often thought many times in my life, that I could seperate myself from His love, that every mistake I made, was giving me back steps away from Him. Yet, Paul clearly states that NOTHING can seperate us from that love. And it's not a love that requires work, but it is an everlasting love that comes with grace and mercy.

And maybe for you, to know you are beautiful is to fully receive that love, that is so abundant, for me that was the case and I can't even begin to express how amazimg it feels to captivate that love with my whole heart. I know that life will have it's challenges as I walk in this new journey of womanhood, but I am not afraid anymore, I don't need to walk in fear because I know who my God is. And it is beacuse of that knowing that gives me the freedom to know that I am beautiful.