Freedom

I met with Bill the other night. Bill is the campus pastor at the University that I attend and a man that I have had a few sessions with to share and receive guidance from. Each time I go there I got to admit, it's challenging and eye opening at the same time. He is not afraid to push me to think and dig deep into the inner core of my being. It's always an unsettling thing to walk through the heart at times. But I got to admit something, in the last weeks, I am beginning to find freedom in the inner core of my being.

A couple of weeks ago I went with some friends and played frisbee golf for the first time. There was a huge group of us and after about the 9th hole I ended up getting hit in the mouth by a frisbee. The hit causes me to get 7 stitches. For two days straight I was at home resting because my lip was so swollen, I couldn't talk and eat. In the midst of getting my stitches in my mouth I was a little frighten, I have never experienced this type of injury. I was the kid growing up who never had stitches, broke an arm or leg, the nurse told me, "I think you are 23 years over due." When I got called in to get stitches, my friend wasn't allowed to come in the room with me and I was worried, I wanted someone I knew with me during the procedure. As I layed on the bed while the nurse was grabbing all her tools, the tears welped in my eyes and I began to pray silently asking God to meet me, to comfort me and hold me in His arms. After the stitches were put in my lip and the nurse left to get my paperwork, I began to get teary eyed again because it was that moment where I knew where my God was, He was right with me, I just knew it, it wasn't that I felt Him, it was just that I just knew that I knew that I knew. I began to thank Him and praise Him for walking me through this experience.

The reason why I bring up this whole situation was becasue the night before I had a long conversation with the Lord about certain things. That night I just cried, cried and cried, it was all I could do, asking Him where He is at in this season that I am, asking Him to meet me, be with me, comfort me, guide me. The next day I got hit in the lip and I love how God uses such a circumstance like this to speak to my heart. The next couple of days of being home, God began to remind me of how much He loves me, began to remind me of His great plans for my life, His spirit just poured into my heart with complete adoration of who He is, the great, almighty, wonderful King.

I am beginning to experience freedom from so many trials that I have experienced in my 13 years of walking with Christ. God has been able to walk with me into the deepest parts of my heart and remind me of how much He loves me, even in my sinful nature, even in my mistakes, even with all the baggage that I bring to the table. The amazing thing about this season in the last couple of months is I remember when Bill asked me, "Tiffany, do you trust that He in enough." I remember sitting there on the other side in his office, thinking. I have experienced this before, I know He is enough, but this time it is different, I am not the same I was 2 years ago and the circumstances I am facing aren't like others in my life. After that night meeting with Bill I began to ask the Lord to show me how to walk in His sufficiency, trusting Him with everything and I got to admit, it's there, it is real and I am experiencing, He is enough, when my whole world is crashing down and I have nothing left, He is enough, He just is.